Behold

Pain and calamity; " Pain and suffering only becomes negative if it creates a barrier between you and Allah SWT, but it becomes positive and a motivation for you when it brings you back to Allah SWT ".

a lecture by Navaid Aziz

It was a beautiful phrase of the lecture in ‘He Who Has No One Has Allah’ by Navaid Aziz. With a meaningful story of a man called Ahmad, I am overwhelmed by mix of emotion of one humble servant toward his Lord. May he shall be raised upon whatever he died upon. Inshaa Allah.

Also quoted by Navaid Aziz, during pain and calamity, we as Muslims should enlighten these three main principles during hardships;

1 Rectify your relationship with Allah and everything else will be rectified.

2 Allah always responds to His slaves, regardless of how trivial it may seem.

3 Before trying to attain or achieve anything eliminate the sins in your life.

Deep down inside, I am ashamed of my past and I am never afraid to cry like a baby in front of my RABB. I am ashamed to ask for more when the most I wanted from HIM was HIS forgiveness. Ya RABB, how can I ask for more when what I have today and what I need today was a blessings from YOU, alas all this while I was once one lost soul? Subhanallah, please keep me strong and Istiqamah.

Only YOU know what I've been through all this while. It was a reality slaps. Five years of non-halal relationship, I am wrong in every way. It was so near within reach yet it is so far. No matter how hard I pray for everything to be okay, if it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be. As a saying said, ‘Something that is not real, it has and end. Something that is real, it has not ended’. Put our mum’s and dad’s love first; it hasn't ended and it is surreal.

As a lady with a firm stand, I am here to honor my only hero in this world; my dad. As during my selfish, arrogant and ignorance lady before, I should thanks her (my old me), as without what had she facing previously; I wouldn't be who I am today. I don’t want to be the reason my dad being denied to enter Jannah. I don’t want to be the daughter who clinging into my dad’s feet and slow him down in the afterlife. I love him more than my own life.

As a daughter with her mother’s name was a sacred word, I am here to make her proud. Mum may not shows her insecurities of my being, but when I am there to speak the truth, which I've realize of my waste of time with the fake relation, she said a word to me, “All this while, I knew he is not for you. The way your father treats you was the best; to respect and to treasure a lady by making her as a companion. Do you saw that in him? For me as your mum, I believe that my prayers being answered. I ask Allah to show you the truth by your own eyes”.

It is a bless which I am most in need; to present myself as one of your humble servant companion. Present me as a lady who is in searches for YOU Ya RABB, to enter Jannah with him by completing half of his deen as his wife and as a mother. Makes me a muslimah who is being raise upon in the hereafter on what I am died upon in this world. I am mortified to ask You more my Lord, as I need Your forgiveness more than anything.

Allahu Rabbi, please guide me. Please make me strong in finding YOU, Ya RABB. Ya Allah, when I lose my hopes and plans, helps me remember that Your love for me is greater than my disappointments, and Your plans for me are better than my dreams. We need to realize, the catastrophe is not a punishment. It was rather a call, a reminder from our Lord; Come to ME, seek refuge from ME, the Almighty.