Wordless Wednesday

Close up of Apache S109G 3.5 Channel RC

A little gift for my brothers :)

Used to be.. apparently.

Used  to be best friends,
used to think it's not gonna end.

Used to be the reason to smile,
used to never been separated even a mile.

Used to know things you hated,
used to stand still in cold and heat.

But now;
Everything I used to heart still, has drop dead until the last drip.
The memoirs has been left, because I've taken a new trip.

New stories being wrote, for HIM gave me chance to en route :)

My Mini Quran

Mine was black and gold engrave on the outside, the colour of our Kaabah. Never leave my sight since late 2003. The story on how I get the Holy Quran of mine was as intrigued as ever. It was a miracle, and yes, it is close to my heart.

As usual, my old me who is always late than early in performing my solah, sitting on my prayer mat. Staying there, thinking about homework and such. I am tired. I am sleepy. Still in my school uniform though, as I was a prefect, staying late as all the school loads was never bored me at that time.

While my thoughts were here and there, flying high and slow in paces, I heard a little knock on my bedroom door. It was my dad. He just got home from work.

Dad: Oh… you just perform your solah?

Me: Yes, dad. Why is it?

Dad: Are you okay? What did you do? What just you have done? (In a high tone nearly as angry tone)

Me: (puzzled) … I did nothing, as far as I know. Why dad?

Dad: I think you should care more about your solah and everything that I have thought you all this while.

Me: (still puzzled)

Dad: Here, Auntie Azizah bought you something from Makkah. She said that she saw you there!

I was puzzled, shock and my tears was pouring heavy as ever. I was trembling. I was shocked and startled!

Dad: Take care of this Quran. It was yours. It is yours.

The story behind it, which made me trembling and crying as hard as I can, is… I was struggling with my past since I can remember. It was my first past event that I want to forget. I called it my little black box. Like a Pandora I guess? Yeah, I am as happy as other 15 years old girl; wonderful friends and schools, amazing family. I have full support in every ways. Loving Kreko comics and manga, samurai X anime, and all other normal young girl should have. Oh, how I misses that time so much. But, I have my little black box which I want it to terminally disappear from my memories!

The little black box was dated since I was four years old. I took time for me to understand it the way it is. The day I realized it was wrong was when I am twelve years old. I start to love isolating myself from others whenever it was possible. With small group of close friends, I keep regaining my traumatized little me at that time by occupying myself with activities. When I am alone, I always find HIM. It’s not that I want to say that I am a good young girl, but that was how my dad builds me. Tears never leave me until I fall asleep, and woke up with a lighter heart wrenched feeling.

My mini Quran was a sign. It was a sign from my Creator. HE is speaking to me to stay strong, hold firm on my faith. It was a token of love, and it comes in the form of my mini Quran. For days, I was secluded. I thought I am going to die soon. Whatever the reason and meaning it is, I was touch and fragile as ever. It feels like I want to stay in my mum’s arm every second and never leave my house out of sight anyhow. I’ve grown with the feeling of doubt and asking for helps since then.

As I grew older, I start to feel and understand the beautiful meaning behind it. My Creator has helps me to see my problems the way I never expected it to be. It (helps) always come on the right time. I gained the strength to hold the answer forever until I will rose upon in the hereafter. Every obstacle has been given only to whom who can bear it. Alhamdulillah, tears and pain was worth it. I’ve forgave the person who gave me that little black box event, but HE awards me with patience and love; through my mini Quran.

Never End.

Until then, love.

Behold

Pain and calamity; " Pain and suffering only becomes negative if it creates a barrier between you and Allah SWT, but it becomes positive and a motivation for you when it brings you back to Allah SWT ".

a lecture by Navaid Aziz

It was a beautiful phrase of the lecture in ‘He Who Has No One Has Allah’ by Navaid Aziz. With a meaningful story of a man called Ahmad, I am overwhelmed by mix of emotion of one humble servant toward his Lord. May he shall be raised upon whatever he died upon. Inshaa Allah.

Also quoted by Navaid Aziz, during pain and calamity, we as Muslims should enlighten these three main principles during hardships;

1 Rectify your relationship with Allah and everything else will be rectified.

2 Allah always responds to His slaves, regardless of how trivial it may seem.

3 Before trying to attain or achieve anything eliminate the sins in your life.

Deep down inside, I am ashamed of my past and I am never afraid to cry like a baby in front of my RABB. I am ashamed to ask for more when the most I wanted from HIM was HIS forgiveness. Ya RABB, how can I ask for more when what I have today and what I need today was a blessings from YOU, alas all this while I was once one lost soul? Subhanallah, please keep me strong and Istiqamah.

Only YOU know what I've been through all this while. It was a reality slaps. Five years of non-halal relationship, I am wrong in every way. It was so near within reach yet it is so far. No matter how hard I pray for everything to be okay, if it is not meant to be, it is not meant to be. As a saying said, ‘Something that is not real, it has and end. Something that is real, it has not ended’. Put our mum’s and dad’s love first; it hasn't ended and it is surreal.

As a lady with a firm stand, I am here to honor my only hero in this world; my dad. As during my selfish, arrogant and ignorance lady before, I should thanks her (my old me), as without what had she facing previously; I wouldn't be who I am today. I don’t want to be the reason my dad being denied to enter Jannah. I don’t want to be the daughter who clinging into my dad’s feet and slow him down in the afterlife. I love him more than my own life.

As a daughter with her mother’s name was a sacred word, I am here to make her proud. Mum may not shows her insecurities of my being, but when I am there to speak the truth, which I've realize of my waste of time with the fake relation, she said a word to me, “All this while, I knew he is not for you. The way your father treats you was the best; to respect and to treasure a lady by making her as a companion. Do you saw that in him? For me as your mum, I believe that my prayers being answered. I ask Allah to show you the truth by your own eyes”.

It is a bless which I am most in need; to present myself as one of your humble servant companion. Present me as a lady who is in searches for YOU Ya RABB, to enter Jannah with him by completing half of his deen as his wife and as a mother. Makes me a muslimah who is being raise upon in the hereafter on what I am died upon in this world. I am mortified to ask You more my Lord, as I need Your forgiveness more than anything.

Allahu Rabbi, please guide me. Please make me strong in finding YOU, Ya RABB. Ya Allah, when I lose my hopes and plans, helps me remember that Your love for me is greater than my disappointments, and Your plans for me are better than my dreams. We need to realize, the catastrophe is not a punishment. It was rather a call, a reminder from our Lord; Come to ME, seek refuge from ME, the Almighty.

:)

I will not be the best I can be with someone else but you.
This Ramadhan provides me humility.
I've put my all in HIS hands, and what I feel, I see and I believe..
"For whatever happens until that day comes, I will still be here for you :)"

Aamiinn.

KAMU

Berjalan di dunia ini, kita sebagai manusia hanya mampu melihat apa yang di mahu.

Jika dibilang langkah, sejauh mana perjalanan ini dibawa, DIA telah memberi segala apa yang di perlu.

Ambil dekat kedua ibu bapa kita..

Ya Rabb.. mereka satu anugerah kerana lahirnya kita dari rahim ibu dan rasa cinta mereka membawa kita ke sini.

Lihat saja dimana kamu berdiri, dan lihat telapak tangan kamu yang kamu tadah untuk berdoa hari-hari.

Sekuat mana kamu berdoa, kamu cerita pada DIA cinta pada mereka mengatasi segala.

Sekuat mana kamu berdoa, terasa cerita cinta mereka pada kamu selamanya. Allahu Rabbi..

Jika ibu mampu melafaz zikir dan menghela nafas lelah dengan doa untuk zuriatnya ini,

apa mampu dikata tidak pada pemilik syurga yang nyata disebut oleh-NYA?

Kita hidup bukan untuk diri kita SAHAJA.. kerana dunia ini persinggahan apa adanya.

Senyumlah saat kamu rasa dunia ini gugur satu persatu meninggalkan kamu.

Saat kamu jelak dengan rasa dipinggir dan tidak dipedulikan.

Saat kamu muak dengan kata-kata keras kasar yang merobek.

Senyumlah.. kerana setiap segala akan dikira dan ditimbang nanti.

Semua pasti mati. Ya, jika hidup pasti mati.

Kerana semua yang hidup ini asalnya dari seorang ibu, seperti kamu.

Tenanglah bila mana kamu merasa gentar akan kejamnya dunia.

Tenanglah bila mana kamu merasa jatuhnya kaki dihentak keras ke Bumi.

Tenang sahaja bila ada yang hadir untuk menghina kamu semampunya.

Tenang sahaja bila air mata jadi punca kamu berdiri kuat melawan si durjana.

Semua yang kuat itu pasti dari yang lemah lembik.

Kerana semua yang kuat ini datangnya dari seorang bapa, seperti kamu.

Teruslah berlari wahai kamu, cukup sahaja kamu dengan adanya ibubapa kamu dan DIA..

Allahu Rabbi.. pemberi anugerah sepasang ibubapa kepada kamu.

Quote #8

Your pain will draw you closer to a believer.
Your gain will take you higher.
Higher in acceptance, that HE holds everything
not just only your future.